Pillioning can be great funA friend of mine recently told me he wanted to get his girlfriend a bike. While this is not unusual his reason was: he wanted her to learn to ride because he thought this would make her a better pillion. When I look back over the trends of the people who have graced my passenger seat, I am not so sure.
The best pillions I have taken have been those who had never actually ridden themselves. So long as they do not stiffen up and cling to your back like a cryogenic robot, non-riders are the most likely to be able to successfully emulate a sack of potatoes. In the realm of riding, such market metaphors are high praise.
I made the mistake of taking my partner on the back as my very first pillion. It was a terrifying experience. Of course adding 75kg to the back of a 200kg bike changed the way it handled rather drastically, but it was the iron grip around my waist and ‘trainer wheel’ feet that automatically came down behind mine every time I stopped that made it a ‘never again’ event. Not if we were ever to hold a civil conversation with each other again, anyway. These days he only hops on the back if he’s had a few brews at the pub and I am designated rider. Vodka is not only made of potatoes, it also encourages the impersonation of them, so that suits me fine.
This first pillioning experience was so traumatic that I thought twice before agreeing to give my sister a lift to school, but I needn’t have worried. Perched behind me, she was so still and so light that I could hardly tell she was there and had to keep reaching back just to make sure I hadn’t lost her. Of course it helped that she was small and wasn’t egging the bike onto do a wheelie just by virtue of her presence on the machine. I think men have an advantage in this regard, because most of the time the pillions they carry are smaller and lighter than themselves. Most of the time the pillions they carry are not riders either, and I suspected this made an even bigger difference.
Pillions are usually smaller and lighterThis suspicion was confirmed by my experience with pillion number three. Yet another specimen in this line-up of possible passengers, Sam was the same size as Stephen but had never ridden before. And he was great. He just sat there like a giant sack of potatoes, totally relaxed and just going with the flow. When we headed down the ‘twisty windy’ street full of protruding traffic islands it didn’t occur to hum to flinch or resist or try to take control. The ride can’t have scared him that much because two weeks alter he sat his licence and these days he potters about on an ER6-N, a model that pays homage to the kwaka that took his motorcycling virginity.
Other riders I have spoken to have observed this phenomenon as well. When my flatmate hitched a ride on the back of his mate’s TL1000 the bike suddenly started turning into corners well before the rider instructed it, almost as if it had a mind of its own. His extra set of buttocks gave the term ‘back seat driver’ a whole new meaning and earned him a severe telling off from the TL’s pilot. It takes a special skill to turn off your cornering instincts, stay relaxed and just trust the rider to do their thing without thinking. Those who learn to pillion first have an advantage as they don’t have to constantly suppress reflexes and can sit quite still without distraction. Even after learning to pilot a bike it is easy to hop on the back and slip back into a semi vegetative state.
Of course it is possible to be multi-talented and I think if you learn to pillion first you can be equally fluent in both, able to slip into the ‘pillion’ mindset when passengering and capable of snapping into ‘rider’ mode when at the controls. If you learn to ride first it is much harder and you will always have an ‘accent’ when on the back, constantly suppressing the urge to lean into corners. The moral? Learn to be a potato before you try to make gnocchi.
And my friend? This weekend he’s taking his girlfriend to the market... on the back of his bike.
